Two stories from last week demonstrate that the FBI’s priorities are in order. The biggest threats to society, according to the Bureau, are not terrorism, hurricanes, paedophiles, bearded brown people or even kidnappers of attractive white women.
The two clearest and most present dangers facing the FBI are porn and weed.
As a defensive measure against the relentless assault on American morals, the FBI is recruiting for a new anti-obscenity squad. A communication from FBI headquarters described the initiative as “one of the top priorities” of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and FBI Director Robert Mueller. [WP]
The new squad will divert eight agents, a supervisor and assorted support staff to gather evidence against “manufacturers and purveyors” of pornography — not the kind exploiting children, but the kind that depicts, and is marketed to, consenting adults. [link]
Said an excited FBI agent:
“I guess this means we’ve won the war on terror. We must not need any more resources for espionage.”
On the weed front, Federal agents raided Darul Uloom Shady Brook in Moodus, CT and seized specimens and seeds of datashak.
What is datashak, you ask?
Amaranth (datashak) herbaceous plants of the genus Amaranthus, family Amaranthaceae, native to the India or Indo-Chinese region. [link]
Reports the Hartford Courant:
[Property caretaker Mojibur] Rahman, who is from Bangladesh, said he was perplexed as to why seeds and specimens of a plant eaten by Muslims at the property was confiscated.
Rahman, noting that he cooked at a recent summer camp attended by 20-plus Muslim youths, said many enjoy eating datashak leaves, which he likened to spinach. It takes him about 20 minutes to cook datashak leaves in hot oil with onions and garlic.
Rahman said the agents told him they would return in about a week after the seeds and plants were tested.
“Let him who has understanding reckon the face of the beast, for it is a human face, it is the face of a porn-loving Popeye.”